Last UpdatedDec 17th, 2025•3 min read
Ask Octave: How Do I Navigate Heated Debates With My Family?
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Question: I’ve always had disagreements with my family about politics and social issues, but those conversations have gotten a lot more heated in the past year. Now we’re arguing about life-and-death issues, such as the COVID-19 vaccine, and it’s strained my relationship with them more than ever. How can we move forward as a family?
Whether it’s COVID-19, social justice issues, or just general disagreements, navigating family can often be challenging. And it only gets heightened during the holidays: During most of the year, we have distance between ourselves and our loved ones, and then we suddenly have to deal with the physical closeness. Disagreements aren’t happening just on Facebook or via text; there isn’t a screen to separate us. The tension can be obvious and seemingly unnavigable.
The events of the past couple of years have only escalated those tensions. Our country is more polarized than before, and I’ve observed more people feeling anxiety about managing their family relationships.
Below are a few strategies that can help you enjoy family time while remaining true to yourself.
First, To Engage Or Not Engage?
Because each situation, conversation, and family dynamic is different, there is no right answer. But here are some questions to ask yourself to decide if it’s worth it:
Some Rules of Engagement
If you choose to engage in sharing your perspectives with a family member, there are proven ways to keep the conversation as civil and stress-free as possible.
It could be helpful to practice the anticipated confrontation. Before the holidays, call a friend and practice what you anticipate the conversation to be like. Challenging yourself to have the anticipated conversation can help you move out of your comfort zone.
If you find these steps are difficult to follow through with, find yourself overthinking, distracted, constantly worrying about this conversation or topic, or feeling down, there may be a larger struggle you are experiencing that you are not even aware of. Talking out what you are experiencing with a therapist could help you understand what some of your deeper barriers are, and help you develop coping skills to work past them.
Family relationships are complicated, and the approaching holidays come with a distinct set of expectations and pressure. We can manage our expectations, shift our perspectives, and utilize the techniques above to take some of the burden off.
